Little, Broken

from by Joan Smith

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lyrics

Remember when you used to go hard - when you used to hurt yourself? And it's not that it got better, or it got easier to handle. And it's not so much that a screw's loose; the whole contraption's wrong. And you have spent so long knowing it's more lucid, but wondering if it's worth it to live that "Empty gas tank, parking lot, GPS pointing you towards Maryland, but when you put it in drive, you're just going home" life. You know it exists most when the Claritin just don't make the "trapped in a fucking bubble" feeling leave you alone. // So please be careful with me because I am a little broken. I don't know if this is natural, but maybe I could've been a little bit more gentle when I rocked myself to sleep on nights when it was difficult -- but then, where would we be? // So break beside me if you have to, darling. I will say it though my face is turning red: I will sing you all my scars and you can read all of your guts to me. In the end, we'll both die laughing at the things that fucked us up. Don't make me. // Don't make me what? Don't make me laugh? Don't make me say it? I'm trying really hard to be careful. But sometimes you fall asleep and you don't know it, and the things this suggests to me has me posting poetry on LiveJournal. // So please be careful with me because I am a little broken. I don't know if this is natural, but maybe I could've been a little bit more gentle when I rocked myself to sleep on nights when it was difficult -- but then, where would we be? // I will whisper my mother's words against the current of your tears, though I know I can't heal you. I have come to the conclusion - at least for now - that healing isn't getting there, but trying. // I've got a scar from the night I met you. I guess I don't yet know just how to put this in to other words. It just feels imporant. So please, be careful with me because I am a little broken. I am little and broken.

credits

from Little Wounds, released February 9, 2017

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Joan Smith Boston, Massachusetts

sad sometimes.

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