Sometimes It Won't

from by Joan Smith

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lyrics

Remind me what feels good cause I think I forgot and that’s a problem. Sometimes, it won’t be simple as telling yourself mid-orgasm to be more nice the next time you fuck up. // Watched yourself cry in the mirror again - your shoulders are so small; it takes so much to breathe in. Does it feel like you won; do you think it’s strange that you can’t sleep until you feel the bathroom tile against your face? // Remind me what feels good cause I think I forgot. Sometimes, it won’t be simple as telling yourself mid-orgasm to be more nice the next time you fuck up. // And now you’re wasted, not wanted. And this time, is it the way the sun don’t rise when you bury your head beneath the blanket? The days that trail behind the things you couldn’t put to sleep -- does it feel like anyone could look and see it? // Amount of times that I’ve been told to force it down, amount of times that I’ve said “no”; the way it always ends the same: You swallow the words you spent weeks practicing, you wear long sleeves for a little bit, and everybody talks to you again when you give up on the sell; stop peddling the malnourished, sad version of yourself. Everybody says they haven’t seen you for a little bit. Did anybody mention they weren’t looking? // Remind me what feels good cause I think I forgot and that’s a problem. Sometimes, it won’t be simple.

credits

from Little Wounds, released February 9, 2017

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Joan Smith Boston, Massachusetts

sad sometimes.

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