Taylor Swift

from by Joan Smith

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I can tell how old your scars are just by looking at the color. I’ve got images, a database of reference files. I noticed when I got a tan last summer, parts of me stayed stripped with white. I’d say it’s been three years since then, or just about. // So he pulls my clothes off and he asks me what the bandages are from. When I tell him I don’t know, I feel him knowing. And I see his shoulders in the morning, and understand he didn’t need an answer - just my response. // It’s not fair to say that I don’t know what’s going on with me. I saw this on TV once, or maybe this was me once... and I’m sort of afraid that I never figured out how to be happy. What if all those years of freedom from the weights that hang down from the folds within my brain like anchors were just someone else’s stability? // Sometimes, I decide to sit down on the pavement even when it’s raining just because I can’t stand up any longer, and all the time, I don’t know how to go on without the piece of me that’s not lost, but is taking so long getting found. There’s a gaping hole inside of me, and I won’t say I didn’t know how big it was until it got torn out. And I’ll keep saying things, but I won’t go back and repeat them. I am far too confused to know what should be heard more than once.


from Little Wounds, released February 9, 2017



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Joan Smith Boston, Massachusetts

sad sometimes.

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